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Chapter 1: Induction Ceremony

The induction of a new sidekick into the League of Good was always cause for celebration, and this was no exception. Many believed that the induction of Pretzel Boy would mark the beginning of a new age in crime fighting. His newly honed skills of tying himself in knots would tip the balance and end the stalemate between the forces of good and not-so-good.

Many other prominent members of the League were there, from The Freezer to Carpet Mon and Busty Woman. Even Ambiguous Person was present.

Good Mark made the opening comments: "It is a rare day that we in the League of Good can celebrate with as much abandon as we do today. For this day, we induct into our ranks a new sidekick, whose flexibility and prowess with his limbs is exceeded only by Boneless Flesh Man."

Pipe Cleaner Girl frowned at him.

"And, perhaps, Pipe Cleaner Girl," he admitted.

"Thank you," Pipe Cleaner Girl smiled. The rest of the assembly tittered.

"I am speaking, of course," continued Good Mark, "of none other than our newest member, Pretzel boy. It is with great honor that I present to Pretzel Boy this new spandex suit and colored underwear." With that, he pulled aside a curtain, revealing the new outfit. Goldfish Girl swam up and down excitedly. The suit was a stunning red, with the pretzel insignia that Pretzel Boy himself had designed.

"Why do we have to wear these stupid spandex suits anyway, mon?" muttered Carpet Mon to Busty Woman as Pretzel Boy walked up the dais to accept the suit.

"You think you have it bad," said Busty Woman. "At least you don't have to wear a bra over yours."

"Let's take a few minutes now to let Pretzel Boy get changed," said Good Mark. "Meanwhile, help yourselves to some snacks. Let the festivities begin!"

And so the festivities began. There was cake, and punch. The Human Vending Machine dispensed free candy, and The Freezer had prepared heathy, yet delicious, fruit juice popsicles.

"Arf!" arfed Disco Dog, and a huge disco ball descended from a hole in the ceiling. "Arf!" arfed Disco Dog again, and the music and colored spotlights came on. The dancing began. Boneless Flesh Man danced with Goldfish Girl, while Puberty Boy danced abashedly with Busty Woman. Ambiguous Person may or may not have danced with just about anyone, while Carpet Mon and Orchestra Boy sat out.

"Can't we hear some reggae, mon?" Carpet Mon asked Disco Dog after a few minutes.

"No way!" arfed Disco Dog, who didn't even pause in his dancing.

"You know you had a chance to sign up to DJ this gig," said TV Hog as it passed by, stuffing another piece of cake in its mouth.

Momentarily, Pretzel Boy returned from the dressing room in his fab new suit. Pipe Cleaner Girl thought he looked absolutely smashing, and she asked him to dance. Orchestra Boy looked on dejectedly. "I wish I could tie myself in knots," he said.

"You shouldn't," said Boneless Flesh Man, slumping into the chair next to him. "It's not all it's cracked up to be. Besides, I think Goldfish Girl would like to dance with you."

But before Orchestra Boy could get up to dance with Goldfish Girl, TV Hog raced through, oinking loudly for everyone's attention. Mounting the speech platform, it raised its antennae and turned up its volume. A news bulletin was in progress: "...City Hall and have taken Mayor Flord hostage. Although no demands have yet been made, and none in the Crime League has yet claimed responsibility for this action, it is suspected that the price for his release will not be slight. If one in the Crime League is responsible, this will mark the third time this year Sputum City's mayor has been kidnapped by forces bent on world domination. In other news, stock in Chew Corp dropped two tenths of a percent today. It was the greatest loss for the chewing gum manufacturer since yesterday. And, an explosion at a physical rehabilitation center: Did anyone walk away? Find out, at eleven." TV Hog's screen flicked off.

"Good Lord!" shouted The Human Vending Machine. "Two tenths of a percent! What is this world coming to?"

"I hate to burst you bubble," said Busty Woman, "but I really think we should be more concerned about the mayor right now."

"But Chew Corp could go bankrupt at any moment. I'd be ruined!"

"I think perhaps the only way to get Chew Corp back on track is by rescuing the mayor," said Pipe Cleaner Girl, tilting her head suggestively behind The Human Vending Machine's back.

"Arf!" agreed Disco Dog.

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